Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

The sadness was still there.

I committed the unpardonable sin. God immediately punished me so that I can no longer think like before and my brain is as if paralyzed and does not work. I've tried everything (confession, repentance, etc.) nothing helps. Any advice?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

What is the funniest joke you've been told that you still think about to this day?

It’s still here.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Have you ever been physically attacked by a demon?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Be who you already are.

Why do atheists demand that everyone must accept their own self-definition? Is that any different from demanding others must accept their choice among 87 genders or be labeled as a bigot?

I was tired of trying and failing.

You are like me, then.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Why are liberals so bad at grasping alternative facts? For example, if something doesn’t happen the exact same way Trump described it, liberals dismiss it as false; while conservatives are able to fully understand the underlying principle.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

And the sadness?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Tyrese Haliburton's Calf Injury Worries NBA Fans as Pacers Lose G5, Face Elimination - Bleacher Report

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

I was tired of fighting.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

How do you get a teenage boy to care about hygiene?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Questlove on Sly Stone: ‘His Artistry Came With a Burden’ - Rolling Stone

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Why does my dog keep licking at her privates now? She is 7 years old and has barely started licking there. The vet said she’s fine but she keeps doing that.

I had run out of hope.

It’s here now, writing to you.